July 12, 2010

Nothing's Wrong

If you're joining me today from She Seeks...welcome!! Below is the post I wrote after the Lord seriously moved on my behalf to speak much needed truth. I'll be honest, it's still hard for me to maintain and believe at times, but I'm trying!

Thanks for hanging with us today...and please check back to the She Seeks sight for more encouragement on this topic throughout the week @ http://sheseeks.org.

Much love, Sam

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Hi, my name is Samantha. [Everyone in unison, now...."Hi Samantha."]

I’m 32, single and have no kids [SWNK].

Typical responses tend to be: “Why aren’t you married? You’re too sweet! You’re so pretty. But you’re so good with kids!”

{Permission to roll your eyes, granted.}

My inward response, accompanying the clinching of my jaw through a forced smile is something like, “Don’t you think if I knew what the problem was, I’d fix it?” My hunch is that if you are over 18 and SWNK you not only relate to these feelings but have experienced these seemingly condescending verbal “pat-on-the-backs,” too.

Perhaps the grace has worn off, my hope has run out and disappointment has rendered me jaded. But the married well-meaners attempting to make me feel normal for being SWNK has become downright hurtful. Years of these comments have dragged me down and dampened what faith I do have. Not only that, but it turns me off from wanting to engage in any conversation about marriage or my desire for it. Including conversations with the Lord.

Honestly, I will do just about anything to avoid talking about how I dream of marriage. And not just the fairy tale part, because I’m a realist. I’ve dated. I’ll leave the rainbow connection to the dreamers, lovers and Kermit. Bring on the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-your-face much less the-way-you-breathe stuff. Because on the flip side of that is the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-life-without-you stuff.

All but 3.5 of my friends are married, so ask me anything about marriage and I’ll probably know the answer. Now don’t get me wrong — I really do love hearing stories, but I long to be able to share my marriage stories in return. So I compare myself with those who are married. What do they have that I don’t? Why them and not me? What have I done that exempts me from marriage? Why aren’t I married? Why?

Just recently God took extreme measures to speak to me about my marriage doubts, fear, hopes and dreams for a family. He literally had to take me around the world, to the country of El Salvador, to present me with some truth He’d been trying to tell me for years, but I wouldn’t listen.

At the end of the week on the way to the airport, out of the blue my friend, Brad, started talking with me about marriage. My guard went up. I didn’t want to defend the “why” questions. But this conversation was different. It was as if the Lord gave Brad x-ray vision into the deep recesses of my heart.

“It haunts you, doesn’t it? It keeps you up at night. Wondering why. ‘Why aren’t I married? What’s wrong with me?’ I know, because it once haunted me, too.”

I wanted to deflect this conversation, and the hurt built up from the years of unanswered “whys.” Yes, my thoughts haunt me. But then God used five little words to wash them and the pain and doubts away.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

At that moment, “trapped” in a conversation I didn’t ask for on a bus halfway across the globe, all the “whys” were left voiceless from one simple voice of truth…His truth. Years of frustrated heartache and wondering sleepless nights were washed away.

That is the same message I share today, with you. Girl, there is nothing wrong with you. You are okay. Better than okay, just as you are. You don’t have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, spiritualer. Rather than defending yourself from other people’s whys and your own personal questions, I encourage you to let those five words fight for you as they did for me. If for no other reason, because they are true. There is nothing wrong with you.

Song of Solomon 4:7, “There is no flaw in you.” (NIV)


Sharon Sloan - Joy In The Truth said...

I love you, friend! I am blessed by your transparency. May HE bless you in an intimate way today!


Fields of gold said...

Thank you sweet Sharon!! So appreciate your thoughts and pray! :)

Hugs to you!

Debra Weiss said...

I love your piece at She Seeks today. I followed the link from SS to your piece.

Your devotional was such an encouragement to me. I'm struggling with other issues in my life (not singleness) and what you said really helped me. <3

Thank you,


Fields of gold said...

Deb, thank you for sharing that with me. I pray you continue to feel the Lord reaching for you and holding you through your circumstances. May His grace abound in refreshing ways!

Thanks again! Sam

Doty said...

I thank God for you, God Bless!!

Fields of gold said...

Thank you Doty!! May the Lord increase your peace as you keep seeking His face. Blessings! Sam

Yellow bobby pins said...

Hi Sam - I'm new to your blog, but just had to post a comment. I am a 33sfwnk and so so so get where and what you're walking through. Thank you for sharing your words with the rest of us out here! There is a peace rolling through my soul as I breathe in the words God gave you.

Fields of gold said...

Hey Lauren! Thanks so much for sharing with me. I can't say enough how in the very moment of my and Brad's conversation, I knew the Lord was saying, "this isn't just meant for you. share it."

may His peace continue to roll like rivers over you.

thanks again for commenting!

Cyerra said...

I know you been wanting marriage and kiddies for a long time...but I hope you can see all the great things about being single too! There's so much greatness behind being a strong independent woman. I'll save you from a feminist pep talk , but you're so wonderful the way are, no man could ever change or enhance that!

Fields of gold said...

Thanks Cy!! I hear you and really appreciate you rooting for me in this season. It is good and I am grateful for all it has to offer. I think I'm just ready for a change, in the direction of marriage/kiddies. Hopefully soon... Thanks girl!! :)