What's Wrong With Me?

"What's wrong with me? How come I'm not... {fill in the blank}?"

That negative train of thought plows full steam ahead to a blown-out bridge. The only way is down.

What if we jumped off that train, 007 style, onto a train headed in the opposite direction? I was challenged to take that leap this summer...

Single and in my early 30's illicits responses akin to: “Why aren’t you married? You’re too sweet! You’re so pretty. But you’re so good with kids!”

My inward response, accompanying the clinching of my jaw through a forced smile is something sassy like, “If I knew what the problem was, I’d fix it.”

Perhaps the grace has worn off, my hope has run out and disappointment has rendered me jaded. But the married well-meaners attempting to make me feel normal for being SWNK is hurtful and my faith is dampened. Not only that, but it turns me off from wanting to engage in any conversation about marriage. Including conversations with the Lord.

Honestly, I avoid talking about how I dream of marriage. And not just the fairy tale part, because I’m a realist. I’ve dated. I’ll leave the rainbow connection to the dreamers, lovers and Kermit. Bring on the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-your-face much less the-way-you-breathe stuff. Because on the flip side of that is the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-life-without-you stuff.

All but 3.5 of my friends are married, so ask me anything about marriage and I’ll probably know the answer. Now don’t get me wrong — I really do love hearing stories, but I long to be able to share my own marriage stories in return. So I compare myself with those who are married and ride the negative train of thought all the way out of town. Why them and not me? What have I done that exempts me from marriage? What's wrong with me?

Recently God took extreme measures to speak to me about my doubts, fear, hopes and dreams. He literally took me around the world, to El Salvador, to present me with truth He’d been trying to tell me for years.

On the way to the airport, my friend, Brad, started talking with me about marriage. My guard went up. But this conversation was different. It was as if the Lord gave Brad x-ray vision into the recesses of my heart.

“It haunts you, doesn’t it? It keeps you up at night. Wondering ‘Why aren’t I married? What’s wrong with me?’ I know, because it once haunted me, too.”

Then God used five little words to wash the pain and doubts away.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

At that moment, “trapped” in a conversation I didn’t ask for on a bus halfway across the globe, all the “whys” were left voiceless from one simple voice of truth…His truth. It put the breaks on the negative train of thought, and gave me a pause to jump off.

That is the same message I share today, with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, spiritualer. Rather than defending yourself from other people’s whys and your own personal questions, I encourage you to let those five words fight for you as they did for me. If for no other reason, because they are true. There is nothing wrong with you.

Brad was so gracious to tell his side of the story with my She Seeks gals.


There is no flaw in you. ~Song of Solomon 4