March 15, 2011

Are You Lonely Tonight?

Don't look his way, my friend extols.

I don't want to. Then again, I do.

He's wreckless. A havoc, a hound. I know better.

I avoid eye contact, I must trick him: she doesn't need me anymore. Until another joined-at-the-hip couple walks in the party. My resolve walks out. He walks up to me, extends a knowing, cruel hand. Fingers entwine; my stomach lurches. I hate Loneliness. I hate being alone more.

We float from couple to couple. Each person is Charlie Brown's teacher. Their marriage baby vacation lifeisgrand "Wah wah woh wah wahs"run together like watercolors, muddied from mixing blues, greens and reds. Only thing I comprehend: Do. Not. Cry. I inhale and don't let go. He mashes my hope against the glass of the candy store: so much sweetness you can't don't won't have. You'll be lonely for.ever.

I feel his venom seeping into my pores. Wiggling my fingers out of his, I try to shake him. Yet I feel his lure, always around the corner, causing time to elapse slowly. Adieus finally chime on the clock as I'm turning blue in the face. One step out the escape hatch and my guard can lower. Barely am I able to exhale when his traitor hand pushes. A stampede of lonely, alone, and all by myself's trample me facedown. Familiar hooves kick up choking dust that my tears create mud out of.

A different Hand extends through the cloud; a voice so calm and quiet the crashing beasts sound as mere songbirds. Let me help you up. Rough night, huh?

How'd You know I was here?

A teardrop on earth summons the King of Heaven
{C. Swindoll}.

He knows, yet He asks anyway for details, dreams, despairs. The tears bucket brigade dust particles until my vision is clear. Natural rhythms of breathing return. Every syllable He speaks I am able to process.

Brittle, hollow bones fill with the lavish warmth of His courage. Truth soldiers through my thoughts, throwing force fields around the lies. And somehow I know, Loneliness can't be my Plus One; my Go To. I need to rely on my Only One; my Always Near. It's time to wash my hands of Loneliness.

I hope it's your time too. No matter the reason of your loneliness, there is healing and freedom. Will you join us on this part of our Jumping off the Train {of Negative Thought} series?

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
~Psalm 25


pinkdaisyjane said...

What a painfully gorgeous allegory.

Thank you for using your vulnerability so that others may find healing.


Leebird said...

Love you, sweet Sam. Praying you feel His embrace extra snug tonight. Bird

Eileen said...

Beautiful post Sam. I remember a pivotal moment in my life when the Lord reassured me that I might have moments/seasons of feeling lonely...but I would NEVER be alone again. It is such a comfort to have a Savior who never lets go of us, no matter how lonely we might be feeling.

connecting with the soul said...

Thank you Sam for taking time to post I love coming here to read what you have shared, and read what you others have said as well.


Anonymous said...

I love you, Sam. I am too choked up to say more. But I love you.
Turkey Joe

Laura said...

You amaze me with your ability to write right to the heart, from the heart. Once again the tears are flowing as I realsie someone understands. Thank you. Laura x

Fields of gold said...

Heatherly, your words are equally as eloquent! Thank you sweet friend!

Fields of gold said...

LeeBird, you're a doll! I love your prayers for me!! Love you!

Fields of gold said...

Dear Eileen, I always glean from your wisdom! Wonderful truths you share dear friend!

Fields of gold said...

Thank you sweet Debi! I haven't had a chance to pop over to your blog yet, but am looking forward to reading your words too!

Fields of gold said...

Awww, Turkey Joe, I LOVE you!!! Thank you sis!

Fields of gold said...

Laura, you're kind words bless me. Thanks for your encouragement girl! You're not alone!!

Angela Mackey said...

Sam, Beautifully said. May God always be my One and Only...

Follow2Serve {Lorna} said...

Such sweet honesty . . . thank you. I know your heart has been broken and I know God is healing it. But sometimes as Amy Grant sings, our tears are "Better Than a Hallelujah" Love you - and we'll jump together off the train (but we won't get hurt).

Kelly Langston said...

Samantha,this is really, really good. You should snag an appt, and you know what I mean.

Heather said...

This is beautiful!

Fields of gold said...

Beautiful prayer, Angela!!

Fields of gold said...

Thanks so much Lorna! I'm learning a lot from your series!

Fields of gold said...

Kelly, you're too sweet! Thanks for believing in me and encouraging me!! Hope another 'appointment' is in your near future (July 22 perhaps!) too!!

Fields of gold said...

Heather, I so appreciate your thoughts! Thanks!!

Sharon Sloan - Joy In The Truth said...

I love you Sam! He is the God who sees you. He sees us. He meets us in our deserts.....

Genesis 16:7-15
The angel of the LORD found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. 8 And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered.

9 Then the angel of the LORD told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” 10 The angel added, “I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.”

11 The angel of the LORD also said to her:

“You are now with child
and you will have a son.
You shall name him Ishmael,[a]
for the LORD has heard of your misery.
12 He will be a wild donkey of a man;
his hand will be against everyone
and everyone’s hand against him,
and he will live in hostility
toward[b] all his brothers.”

13 She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen[c] the One who sees me.” 14 That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi[d]; it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered.

15 So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne. 16 Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael.

Fields of gold said...

Amen! This is a powerful truth that truly is Living Water!! Thank you for sharing His Word, Sweet Sharon!!

xoxo, Sam