November 22, 2010

Homeless

But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. ~1 Samuel 12:24

Let us remember the loving-kindness of the Lord and rehearse His deeds of grace. Let us open the volume of recollection, which is so richly illuminated with memories of His mercy, and we will soon be happy.
~Alistair Begg

Right off the bat, I want to say this is not a 'woe is me' post. There. Done. Okay, read on...

I'm church-homeless. I've tried to find a new one. With heart-and-soul, I warm First Presodist's pews one week...then Second Baptyterian's the next...then it gets old and weary. Different faces, smells, worship styles: they're not 'home,' ya know?

Since embarking on my search for a new church home, I've felt:
Shy
Alone
Sad
Awkward
Friendless {dramatic, but true}

But today was the first day I felt homeless. Maybe it was walking through the bundles of friends pealing comfortable laughs. Maybe it was adjusting to the preaching styles of yet another unfamiliar pastor. Maybe it the five wrong turns, 15 minute tardiness, and inability to find the front door (Note: following the crowd always leads you to the nursery. Church leaders: pa-lease invest in "Front Door" and "Sanctuary" signage. Please.)

I suppose hopeless holds homeless' hand. Throw in a {hefty} dash of self-pity and voila! God's goodness and grace that I live in a free country & have the right to visit the 10 bagillion churches in the Bible Belt scurried out of memory. I cried.

All the way down the highway. All the way home. All the way through the Wendy's drive-through.

I avoided eye contact with the girl taking my debit card best I could. But bloodshot crimson eyes caught her attention. {I'm not a pretty crier; nothing like Julia Roberts in "Stepmom."} She paused. Leaned out. Looked me right in the eye. And asked: "Are you okay?"

I had gulped my tears enough to place my order. But something about her mercy. Her pause. Her care. Released my floodgates. I mean, I sat in the drive-through and heave-hoed some Big. Ol'. Sobs.

Now, I've cried in some unusual places. Before this go-round, the oddest place was a Pawn Shop {but that's a story for another day}.

Finally I blubbered, "I've ju-ju-just had a har-hard d-d-d-day."

"I hope you feel better."

Simple, small act of grace.

Why share this? Not for the sympathy vote. No. Not to badmouth churches. In fact, the one I visited today was great. {plus my friend Shelley was there...double bonus!} My goal of this blog is to raise my Ebenezer. To rehearse, if you will, the ways God's been good to me. That gesture in a crowded after-church lunch drive-through was a small stone I placed on my altar of remembrance. Until I find a church home, I know He will continue giving me grace, in unexpected, tender ways. Thank you Wendy's cashier. Thank You God.

Where has His grace surprised you recently? How can you show His grace to someone, anyone, today?

3 comments:

stephanie said...

Your posts always make me smile :) I too have had similiar experiences crying in odd places, and I TOTALLY get the ugly cry, LOL! I am praying you find a church home where you can just cuddle up and feel all cozy and warm! But until then, lots of love-coziness-and hugs from your bloggy friend and praying His grace just pours on you from unexpected places! I hope you have a super blessed Thanksgiving weekend :)
Stephanie

marykathryntyson said...

you. are. SO. precious. this totally could have been me. thank you so, so much for sharing this story. i love how sweet god (and the cashier) are to you. so, so precious.

xo

p.s. i've actually created a 'cry-face' tag for my blog because it so frequently appears. yeh...not pretty.

and, also? i'm really enjoying your music selections on your blog! :)

Fields of gold said...

Aww, thanks girls!! You've brightened my day! I"m gonna tuck your encouragement in my back pocket to get out when the homeless blues start singin' their song!

Steph, thank you so much for praying for me!! Love our bloggy friendship :)

MK, am totally going to check your cry-face tab out! too funny!! any music suggestions to add?

Much love to both you beautiful ladies!