This is Not an Easy One to Slay

What is the sound of your heart? The natural rhythm of valves opening and closing, pattering a confident whoosh, whoosh; whoosh whoosh? Or does your heart quietly scrape by, too hampered by loneliness to fully open?

My two tons on wheels should naturally purr and hum. But, like molars grinding, my car scraps metal against metal. A year later, three mechanics and I aren't sure why. The grind has become white noise; so familiar now I drive along in Pavlovian conditioned oblivion. I'm lulled into forgetting an underlying problem persists.

So it was with my heart for years. My problem was named Loneliness. It quietly grinded within my heart, begetting general despair; a gloom that lingered. Its white noise created the soundtrack of sadness that gave the melody to conversations, decisions, emotions. How long my heart's eyes and valves refused to open!

No definitive moment turned me around or caused Loneliness to back down. I can only say I simply came to the point where

the pain of staying the same was worse than the pain of change

Change asked soul-shaking questions. And morphed the once comforting white noise into squawking gulls, hungrily dive bombing at my exposed heart.

Which emotion is more comfortable: self-pity or courage?
When is the last time I invited friends out or over?
Where do I turn more: Worry or the Word? Tears or Truth?
Would I rather hold onto loneliness than love?

The questions hurt. I realized though, that the answers were hurting me {and my relationships} more. Change begets change. And so an awareness of the sedating noise of loneliness meant a new perspective was needed. Instead of a dirge as my theme song when:

facebook informs me friends hung out- without me ... again
checking "attending solo" on the party invite
listening to wedding plans that aren't my own
there's not one familiar face at church
facing bumps in the night alone

I choose to sing a harmony with the Lord. He's the most effective antidote to the poison of loneliness. For he himself is our peace {Eph 4}. I could rationalize out the wazoo why my friends didn't include me; why I'm single; what the noises are. But none of those answers bring me peace. Only Jesus and His truth does.

Shhh... listen. What do you hear? The white noise of loneliness or the grace and truth of Jesus' voice? Today, may I encourage you? Now choose life... listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life... {Deut 30}

Friend, I know... I know... loneliness is a consuming fierce beast; not an easy one to slay. I'm jumping off this train with you by soaking in the Word. Today, can we open our hearts and ears to hear the Word and allow it to fill what loneliness has left void? Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you {Deut 31}.

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