July 1, 2008

Oh Say Can You See?

“I will say to the prisoners, ‘Come out in freedom,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Come into the light.’” ~ Isaiah 49:9

Blind date. Quick! What’s your first thought? Ugh. No way! -or- Sign me up!

I was set up on a blind date a few years ago that ended as a year long relationship. Remember the famous Jerry McGuire line, “You had me at hello?” That was us y’all. We were hooked from our very first phone call and 'perfect' for one another.

Everything lined up like peas in a pod! Progressing quickly, we planned our lives together, thinking of the future as “us” not “her/him.” What a view our rose-colored glasses gave us of each other and our life as a couple! Who would have thought Blind Date would turn out so 'perfect?!'

Months rolled by and the tint on our rose-colored glasses became foggy. The Holy Spirit began telling me things I didn’t want to hear. “It’s time to get out. You need to leave this relationship.”

The more the Lord encouraged me to break it off, the more obstinate I grew. “What'd you say? Oh, I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you with my fingers in my ears!” And I would pick up my increasingly smeared glasses and try to scrub them clean. Angrily I stewed over what God was urging me to do. “This can’t be…we’re good together. We make sense together! Why wouldn’t you want us together God?!”

I didn’t appreciate the Lord showing me why Blind Date wasn’t 'perfect' for me. God's wisdom rubbed me the wrong way. There was no desire in me to want to know and live His agenda for my life. Anyhow, I reasoned, I already knew what God’s call on my life was … and there couldn’t be anything He had for me to do that couldn’t involve Blind Date. So the Lord spoke louder. And I ignored and fought harder. Until I couldn’t see through my rose-colored glasses at all anymore. My glasses had blinded me of how imperfect Blind Date was for me.

Finally accepting the Lord's words, misery replaced joy. Surety and trust faded. The weight of disobedience became too heavy for me to bear.

Though I knew it had to happen, I didn’t have the strength to make myself break up with Blind Date. In His mercy, God had him break up with me, though he didn't know why he was doing it.

My world crashed at the point. Lugging thick sadness and the loss of the dream of our life together was too much. The chains of disobedience I had willingly wrapped around myself were so heavy the only energy I could muster was to lie in my bed and weep. I couldn’t seem to get over Blind Date in my own strength. Sorrow hardened my heart and I turned away from everyone’s comfort and kind words, even the Lord’s.

The desire for something new, something joyful, something healing, didn't arise in me until a year after our break up. Weary of looking through my broken and marred rose-colored glasses, I was ready to live again. The depths of my being wretched out, “God, if you’ll still have me, here I am. I can’t do this alone. Please help me break these chains.”

One morning after that cry I had a dream about Blind Date. This dream opened my eyes to the truth and why it was never in God's plans for us to be together. Upon waking my physical ears literally heard the sound of heavy, thick chains falling to the ground! Something new, something joyful, something healing changed my heart. And the blindness was gone ... I could see again.

“The Lord said to him, “Who gives him sight? … Is it not I, the Lord?” ~Exodus 4:11

1 comment:

Donna Tiller said...

Sam, What a GIFT The LORD has given you and blessed you with!!! You write with such openness and transparency...it amazes me. I love reading FIELDS OF GOLD...my heart is so ministered to by GOD. Though we do not face the same exact battles...I can still relate to your struggles, your battles with self, and not understanding why things are the way they are!!! Thank you Dear Friend for being YOU!!!